gum and exams
September 17, 2002 | 11:53 a.m.

You're not allowed to chew gum on the street in Singapore. Or eat food of any sort for that matter, it's against the law. ( Eating on the street, that is, not in the privacy of your own home). Apparently the police will beat you for it.

This intrigues me for several reasons. First of all, how do they catch gum miscreants? Are there CCTV cameras everywhere which magnify people's mouths and then analyse their behaviour? If so, how do they differentiate between normal, innocent mouth movement and illegal gum mastication? Can you actually buy gum there, or is it in the same ilk as cannabis here? Are there degrees of gum offences? Maybe it's not so bad if you chew it normally with your mouth closed, but you should be thinking about running for the hills if you go as far as to put a few pieces in your mouth at once (the horror!) and do that thing where you fold it over your tongue*. I suppose if you blow bubbles with it you might as well start flashing at passing strangers and looting shops, because just what else are they gonna do, huh?!

I learnt this fascinating fact in sociology by the way. Sociology Teacher #1 often tells us facts like this, but I have to say this tops them all - it is officially the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Someone in the class thought it meant that chewing was outlawed everywhere - I think she now imagines that in Singapore you have to take a bite of food and then violently gulp it down whole, not dissimilar to the way an alligator or perhaps a pelican would treat its food.

I imagine she'll probably avoid the Far East for her next holiday.

I told my Dad about this - he reckons that in Singapore men can dress up as women and sell sex, and that you can buy heroin anywhere you want, so chewing gum being illegal is a bit at odds with the general climate of crime if you will. He might well be wrong, he's never been there, but then neither have I so I can't really comment on that.

Moving on from those crazy Singaporeans and their crazier laws - I found the college library! The old one is now an IT suite, which is great, but I'm happy that I've found the actual one with the books in it. It has computers too, so that's where I am now.

I'm going to resit one of the three modules of my Sociology AS (which I took last year - I'm now into the actual A Level bit of this wankermade** Curriculum 2000.) I got a C in one module, a B in one and a U (unclassified, ie. shite) in the third - Sociology Teacher 1 thinks this exam is possibly the one OCR (the exam board) have been fucking with (my words, not his. But you knew that) in order to reassure people that AS and A Levels aren't getting easier (this time the pass rate was 94% - if this trend continues by 2004 no one will fail. Of course you have to take into account that a pass is an A-D grade, and most universities are looking for at least a C, preferably a B, though plenty will take Ds. There you go, The Slacker's Guide To Getting Into UK Universities For Dummies. Who needs UCAS?) So I should be able to jump one or maybe two grades, since they are under 'external investigation'. That means (to me, anyway) that they have to do it strictly by the book, no fiddling, because Big Exam Board Brother is watching them at all times. I hope.

It's barely the back end of summer, certainly not officially autumn yet (it's officially autumn to me when we get our first week of non-stop driving rain, you can't see any of the country at all on the weather maps for dark grey cloud and Woolworths start stocking advent calendars and tinsel) and already I've got my first cold - I really am starting early this year. Maybe it's returning to our miserable climate from France - it was pretty hot there, even though we ended up going pretty late in the season. I didn't get much of a tan though, I never do. I either burn or get more freckles. I don't like freckles, but I'm resigned to them now. I've got a lot on my face, but I suppose things could be worse.

<3
gf

*You know that thing where you fold it over your tongue...? It's not like blowing a bubble, well, maybe the first stage of that. You kind of hold it in the front of your mouth and push your tongue through it, thus sticking your tongue partly out of your mouth, and then bring it in again... I just read through this paragraph, and I would like to assure you that it is in fact about chewing gum, despite appearances.

**This is my new word for something that has been thought up/put together by someone who should really be shelling peanuts for a living. Wankermade, what do you think? I tried to think of something better, but I'm very hungry right now so that'll have to do.

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